Happy Birthday Mama
Today is Mama’s birthday. She is 74 or 75 years old today, I don’t remember which and I know she doesn’t either. The fact is she doesn’t remember much of anything anymore. My Mom has Alzheimer’s.
I haven’t seen her in two years and she had no idea who I was then. We (my sister and brother) tell ourselves that is was probably a blessing that she got it, though we always feel guilty when we say it, my mother was not on a good path with her life and we were all afraid that she was going to drink, drive and kill someone. My mother also suffered from manic/depressive disorder or as they call it now bi-polar disorder. We all had volatile relationships with Mama, each of us in different ways. If you have ever seen the movie ‘Ya-Ya Sisterhood’ you would kind of know what our lives were like only worse. But I have come to terms with my childhood, my mother’s illness and our relationship as it was before she became ill.
But there are times when I truly truly miss her. Because as we all know along with the bad there is good. She always let us voice our own opinions and we would have some lively discussions. She loved to play games, card games, dice games and loved scrabble the most. So when we would go to visit, we would all sit around the table and play games for hours, laughing, talking and just having fun.
So today when I realized that it was April 13th and it was her birthday, I had to fight back the tears. I seem to be missing her more lately than ever before and wish like hell I could sit at the table with her one more time and just talk.
I am planning a trip over to Oregon later this year to see her and pick up some things of hers that my sister has been saving for me.
So Mama I love you and I miss you sometimes so much it hurts and I wish we could celebrate your birthday like we used to.
Happy Birthday Mama.